Female Audio

Male Audio

Introduction

In a neurodivergent household, a full sink can be a sign of many things. Because of the way most of us are socialised, we sometimes internalise the effects of negative external perceptions and expectations of us.

This can cause us to view our spaces and environments as a reflection of our personal values instead of a result of unsupported and unsustainable stress in our daily lives.

A Compassionate Perspective

As a neurodivergent adults, a full sink can become a symbolic weight — an ugly reminder of the unmet expectations and unspoken judgments we have internalised. When you find yourself staring at those dishes, perhaps overwhelmed by stress, isolation, or the never-ending demands of life, it is important to remember: it is time to take a deep breath.

A Full Sink Can Be A Sign Of…

Stress

Chronic stress is a silent but relentless enemy of peace of mind. It keeps our body’s stress system constantly active, disrupts our stress hormones, and alters how our brain functions. This ongoing stress leaves us physically and mentally drained, wears down our emotions, and it builds up over time. Eventually, it becomes so overwhelming that our usual coping mechanisms just do not work anymore. All of these factors combine to push us towards our emotional limit, often without realising how bad things have gotten until we are already there.

Isolation

Isolation can contribute to our inability to manage our spaces in multiple ways. Mentally, it leaves us feeling stressed and alone, making work problems seem bigger than they are. Physically, it affects our body, causing poor sleep and weakening our immune system. If we are able to work, it makes us less happy and connected to our job, and we struggle to switch off at the end of the day. When we are isolated, we miss out on the positive feelings that come from being around others, which makes stress feel even worse. All these factors work together, creating a perfect storm that can quickly lead to exhaustion and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

Overwork

Overwork leads to exhaustion through a combination of physical and mental effects. It starts with working too many hours, which wears down the body and increases health risks, affects sleep and our ability to rest. If we keep pushing ourselves, we become more tired and stressed, and find it harder to enjoy our work or perform well. Over time, this can seriously affect our mental health, causing depression and anxiety. The problem is made worse by workplace cultures that do not provide accommodations or acknowledge our specific needs as neurodivergent individuals. This combination of factors make overwork a serious threat to both physical and mental well-being.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism contributes to clutter through a complex psychological mechanism where we try to meet unrealistic high standards that are ultimately impossible to meet because the do not account for the unique needs of neurodivergent people. If we have perfectionist tendencies, we work longer hours, sacrifice sleep, and neglect our self-care in the pursuit of flawlessness, leading to chronic stress and exhaustion. Perfectionistic traits are associated with repetitive negative thinking, which directly correlates with increased exhaustion and feelings of inadequacy. The perfectionism related to ADHD can cause procrastination, as we may avoid organising or discarding items until we feel we can do it perfectly, leading to further accumulation of clutter and the inability to tackle it.

Transition

Major life changes can create a feeling of unbearable emotional turmoil that depletes our mental and physical resources. leading to chronic anxiety and stress. Our neurodivergent relationship to routine is well-documented and is even used as a diagnostic trait in most standard tests. Some of us rely on strict routines to create a sense of control and calm in an otherwise confusing environment, while some of us need clear and outlined routines to keep us focussed and productive. Any change – whether it is a sudden and major life change, or one that is planned and expected – can cause disruption in our lives and cause us to lose track of our goals.

The Importance of Self-Care

It is not a crime to let the sink fill up; it is likely a bright signal that you might need to pause and recalibrate. Start by shifting your perspective: a full sink does not define your worth, nor does it invalidate your efforts. It is okay to prioritise rest, mental clarity, and self-compassion over perfection. Sometimes, just acknowledging that it is okay to not be “on top of everything” is the first step towards feeling more at ease in your space.

Instead of fighting perfectionism or unrealistic expectations, approach the sink (and your life) with mindfulness and curiosity. Ask yourself: What can I do right now to make things just 1% easier? Maybe it is washing one dish instead of tackling the entire pile at once, or maybe it is letting them sit a little longer while you prioritise your need for a break or self-care.

Creating clarity in small, manageable steps can help cut through the noise of overwhelm. And remember, stress, isolation, overwork, perfectionism and transitions are heavy enough — there is no need to carry the guilt of a messy sink on top of it all.

Remember, the most effective way to remove the feeling of overwhelm in our neurodivergent lives is to focus on self-care, self-compassion, mindfulness, and clarity of thinking. You deserve grace and understanding, especially from yourself.

Burnout

I avoided using the term ‘burnout’ because it is often applied to neurodivergent experience in the work environment. However, according to the latest official statistics for the UK, only around 3 in 10 working age autistic disabled people are in employment, compared with around 5 in 10 for all disabled people and 8 in 10 for non-disabled people.’ The challenges of navigating daily life without accommodations to help us manage our basic needs is enough to cause stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion without including work-related effects on our well-being. While employment is ‘important for autistic people’s mental wellbeing and overall quality of life’, it is also the case that ‘autistic people are more likely to experience many of the worst outcomes associated with unemployment.’ (Source: ‘The Buckland Review of Autism Employment: report and recommendations‘, Published 28 February 2024’ https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/the-buckland-review-of-autism-employment-report-and-recommendations/the-buckland-review-of-autism-employment-report-and-recommendations)